I have lived in the UAE since 2012, and for the most part, I have always felt safe. I want to believe that we can stay here safely, but the people in charge of other countries decide for us. Who gave them the right to decide our future? Who gave them the privilege to destroy people’s lives, to determine what the world is going to experience as a consequence of their actions?

There is no panic. There is understanding. We cooperate, we go to shelters when they ask us to go shelter. We ignore the explosions outside as best as we can. We assure relatives that we are safe, Dubai is safe, but in our heads there is still a voice that says – it is not normal, it should not be normal.

28 of February we had a barrage of things exploding around the area where I live. Could not sleep because of the constant explosions. We were safe, we didn’t get hurt, but we lay in bed with clenched teeth and a pit of fear in our stomachs. Personally can not do anything to change this situation, so we have to deal with it as best we can.

When something blows up outside, the knees shake – you tell yourself, it’s ok, we didn’t get hit… we continue. There is a different place of fear accumulation underneath your lungs when you hear explosions. You might get scared of other sounds, it goes to other places. But that one is a certain place of packing up all the anxiety and distress. It is hard to relax.

The sound with which the emergency alert arrives on your phone is probably more anxiety inducing even that the explosions themselves. It is so loud and so disgusting, makes you want to jump outside your window there and then. Grab the cats, go in the pantry, spray the cat calming spray, wait for the “all clear” message. It is tiring. You get angry. You want to hope that it will end soon. It isn’t ending any time soon.

I was supposed to work at the Forbes 30/50 this weekend. I was supposed to be safe in the hotel full of Americans who would have come together to celebrate each other’s achievements and have a good time. But they didn’t come – they are safe wherever they are right now, maybe a bit bummed out, but not being bombed every day. I am not going to get paid… and we are probably not going to have many events happening in the foreseeable future. It is what it is, we are safe, but not making any money.

Do I feel like going out and taking photos? No, I don’t. I went out yesterday and the whole time I was sitting and pulling my hair, anxious and safe. We are all saying that we are not leaving, that this place is our home… but is it up to us to decide whether we are staying or leaving?

Tired and angry, calm and positive. Everyone wishes – stay safe. I stay, I am safe. I am worried for our cats. I can’t leave them behind. I don’t know if I can take them anywhere. We are safe. Dubai is safe.

Let us wake up tomorrow and feel like it was a bad dream. Let the drones not hit our desalination plants. Let us enjoy our hot and sweaty summer in peace. Let us feel like we can make plans.

Let us all be safe.

Stay safe, my friends.